Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Spotlight; Mommie-by-Marriage *Aaja*

Being a mom is a life adjustment. From pregnancy to child birth, your body and mind are both adjusting to this new life you are entering. As the child grows, you grow, and you soon become "accustomed" to parenthood. But what if you were never awarded the nine month "prep period" or if you somehow fell into motherhood? This month's spotlighted mom, Aaja, didn't birth her son, but she's quickly developing the tools needed to be a mom to her 6 year old stepson.


When Aaja met her husband Jawaun's son three years ago, the only thing on her mind was "I want him to like me." Establishing a relationship with her soon-to-be step son early on was important. But it wasn't an easy task for either party involved. When Aaja said yes to Jawaun's proposal after 8months of dating, not only was she saying yes to him, but yes to becoming a new mom to his son! That in itself is a commendable commitment. I've had many friends blatantly state they would never date a (wo)man with a child. I, myself, may have been victim to this as well. The thought of the "baby mama/daddy drama" alone can turn anyone away. A close friend of mine swore by this "code" for a long time. When she told me her new boyfriend had a son, I was completely floored. Well needless to say the relationship didn't last long because she couldn't deal with the fact of coming second in her boyfriend's life. This is very common. The child is essentially another person in the relationship that isn't going anywhere, and unless you are willing and ready to accept that, the relationship is bound to fail. It seems many 20 something-year-olds, male and female, tend to avoid relationships when the other party has a child. 

That wasn't the case with this 24 year old image branding strategist. She knew her and Jawaun wanted a future together and that meant helping her son understand that she too would be his mom. Though her son's biological mother has shown to be a bit resistant to this new family dynamic, Aaja is not letting that discourage her efforts of being a great second mom to her husband's son. 

"It takes a while to get used to someone else being in their child’s life in a similar capacity. It’s a big adjustment for everyone. The best advice that I received on being both a wife and a mother is to keep both my son and husband covered in prayer because God can do what I cannot do."
 
I admire Aaja for her diligence and her willingness to be an awesome Mommie-by-Marriage. The love for her husband and the love for her son is evident. Motherhood alone has it obstacles but accepting the task of helping to raise someone else's child, is a job she didn't have to commit too. But she did...she chose to be a mom. Despite the push back she may receive, she continues to put her family first and accepts the journey ahead. 

Aaja's Advice: 
I would tell other Mommies-by-Marriage to continue being consistent in their child’s life and training them up right. Also, no matter what the circumstances, respect is not optional. Lastly, talk to your child. Kids are smarter than we think and go through so much more than we realize. You might just have a breakthrough by listening to their heart.





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