There is no hand book to tell you how to be a mother, or how to be a mother and career woman; let alone a wife, mother AND career woman. I am in NO way saying I know all the answers, or even half the answers for that matter. But I have learned a few things that have helped me on that road to becoming all three. I am constantly seeking like-minded individuals I can learn and grow from. Here are just 5 steps that I have developed on my own and have adopted from other mothers, wives and young professionals.
1.) Put your needs first. Now I know this may sound selfish of a mother to say, and yes while your children are young it is almost impossible. A young child’s needs SHOULD be met before yours- after all, they cannot do anything for themselves. However, once your child(ren) are a little older and little more independent, it’s time to put Mommie’s needs first. Now, I don’t want you to get that confused with your WANTS. Mommies we NEED to eat, shower, and get a little sleep in order to function. But do we honestly NEED that new purse or those new shoes? Probably not. And in the debate over purse vs pampers, I’m sure well all know what the answer SHOULD be. Just recall the instructions of the annoying flight attendants every time you travel: “In the event in a decrease in cabin pressure, please put on your mask first before assisting others”. It’s simple! How can you help someone else if you yourself are not in the capacity to do so? How can you nurture and care for your child(ren) if you, yourself are not mentally, physically, and emotionally stable to do so? Take time to eat, shower, and rest. Spend a few hours away from home alone or with your significant other to relax and de-stress. You will be surprised at how energized you will feel. The little ones will appreciate it too.
2.) Work hard. We all know working and being full time parents is a tough job, however we do it. And we do it well! Continue to work hard as you are the first example your child sees. If you don’t want lazy teenagers in the future, don’t be a lazy mom. Encourage hard work but demonstrate it as well. Be a great example of someone your child should emulate. Kids are very impressionable and showing them the benefits of hard work early on can only help develop them into strong minded successful beings.
3.) Understand things take slower to accomplish. This is something I struggle with accepting sometimes. It goes without saying that some things that were easy to do before the kids, are not as easy to do after the kids. For example, a 20 minute trip to the grocery store now takes an hour. After you’ve packed the bag, strapped the baby in the car seat, you realize 20minutes have already gone by. And the 20minutes you would have normally spent getting to the store and back, is now consumed with just getting to the car. We haven’t even mentioned the meltdowns, the bathroom interruptions, and the snack breaks that occur once in the store. Just accept it! Sometimes the kitchen won’t get cleaned immediately after dinner, and yea you may miss a day between showers (lol), but it happens. Our lives are different now and it takes a little more time to get things done. So be it! Don’t get frustrated. Just take your time, enjoy these moments, and embrace it.
4.) Be realistic. We all try to wear the cape and the crown of SuperWoman/SuperMom. But don’t put too much on yourself. Making partner at the law firm while raising an infant can be possible but it will be very difficult. Be realistic with your goals and how they relate to your life at that moment. You probably won’t be able to make every happy hour event or stay as late as your colleagues. Voice your concerns to your supervisor and remain true to yourself. Realize that although you may not have met your goals of starting a business today, it doesn’t mean it won’t happen tomorrow. Stay true to yourself and your passions. Be optimistic but be realistic in your planning.
5.) Have a great support system. The saying “it takes a village to raise a child” is true. We all need a great supportive team to help us get through those tough times. I am so blessed and grateful for my team of family and friends as they have helped tremendously. If you are at all like myself and hate asking for help, you will soon have to get it over. Realize that the people who love you the most will be the first ones knocking the door down when you absolutely need them. And I can almost guarantee they won’t be looking for anything in return. Sometimes you need those friends who come over on bath night and wash up the little one while you cook dinner and strengthen up the house. Or those family members who bring dinner by after a long week so you don’t have to cook. Embrace the love around you and keep these people close. Show them your appreciation for all their hard work and love. And don’t feel bad when you have to ask for help. It’s expected.
Big thank you, hugs and kisses to those who have helped me get through my first 15 months of motherhood! J I would name you all but I may miss someone unintentionally. I can’t not thank you enough for all your love, support, and prayers this last year. Derek, Dreux and I love and appreciate you all a ton! J
