I’m just going to get straight to the point with this
one….last week I was doing my daughters hair as apart of our morning routine.
As I brushed her hair into a ponytail I said “Baby your hair is so curly”. She debated back and forth with me and
finally said “my hair isn’t curly Mommie. MJ’s* hair is curly, my hair is
coarse”. (MJ, is a biracial boy in her class.) Coarse?! Who told you that
Dreux! Caught completely off guard, one because my two year old just used
coarse correctly in a sentence, and two, who in the hell told my child she had
coarse hair? And for what reason? Anyone who knows my daughter, knows her hair
is very curly and not “coarse” at all. However, that’s beside the point.
Coarse, curly, or straight, why has hair texture become a topic of conversation
in preschool? Needless to say, I was livid. I thought maybe I was overreacting
but a quick conversation with my mother ensured me I wasn’t. I spoke to her
teacher and the director, of which both denied ever making such a comment, and
by the way, both are African American. I told them that such conversation is
inappropriate for two-year-old discussion. It was more upsetting to me that
Dreux literally debated with me as if this notion of “coarse hair” has been
said to her on more than one occasion perhaps.
My point is this, at two, my child sees everyone the same.
In her mind there are only two types of people, girls and boys. And personally
at this age, I would like to keep it that way. There is no need for differences
to be pointed out just yet. The fact that someone told her “No Dreux your hair
is not curly, his is. Your hair is
coarse” is nauseating. My child has already been introduced to the fact that
there is something that slightly sets her apart. Her hair! I’m not raising her to see
color, handicaps/disabilities, etc. In fact she swears her friend Brittany* is
her sister. I wouldn’t dare sit her down and say “Well honey Brittany can’t be
your sister because she’s white”. No, if you guys are sisters, then baby be
sisters! Just like I wouldn’t dare say to any other toddler, “no baby your hair
is coarse, her hair is curly”. Why does it matter? Its bad enough we are still
defending “good hair” vs. “bad hair”. Why even introduce this to the next
generation?
Growing up in an era where “light skin was in”, I’ve made it
a point not to perpetuate such ignorance in my children. I hate the phrase “she’s cute for a dark skin
girl”. Or my favorite question I got a lot growing up, “what are you mixed
with?” referring to the texture of my hair. My response was always, “my momma
and my daddy” I digress…
We still haven’t gotten to the bottom of who made this
comment. But I’m not letting it go that easy! If it was teacher who made the
comment, then I need to have a little chat with her on communicating effectively with toddlers. Leave conversations as such to the parents when the
child becomes of age. If a student made that comment, then I need to talk to
their parents because they are raising a superficial child who points out the
physical aspects that make each of us different. And personally, I think it’s
inappropriate at this age. Let them be
two! They have a whole life ahead of trying to explain to the world who they
are!
Now, if the goal was simply to teach textures that day, then
I apologize for my rash behavior (not really lol) but please, use inanimate
objects next time and not the hairs on my child’s head.
Looks like I have along journey ahead…especially with
ignorant adults in the world.
