Spotlight: "Mommie-2-B"- *Prerna*

"Kids don’t need a lot of things they need to be loved and cared"

I am super excited to kickoff my "spotlight" campaign; highlighting 12 different Mommies over the next year! These Young Workin' Mommies are awesome and have such compelling stories, I had to get them involved with YWM. 

My first Mommie is Mommie-2-Be Prerna, Internal Audit Supervisor. (My old supervisor :)) After experiencing a miscarriage early last year, she is so excited and anxious to finally see and hold her new baby! With only about two weeks shy of her due date - and with no true birthing plan other than to "go with the flow" (lol)- she opened up to YWM to share her thoughts on mother's rights, her pregnancy experience and advice. 

Check it out!

What was your initial response to finding out you were pregnant? Excited yet very nervous as I had a miscarriage before.

How has pregnancy changed your life (i.e. moody, extremely cautious, tired, etc.) [The] past nine months have been amazing and crazy at the same time. Since we had a miscarriage earlier this year, when we found out the second time we were expecting, we were ecstatic and scared at the same time. We didn’t let anyone know until I was four months along. Every time we went for an ultrasound it was like sitting on pins and needles until we heard the heartbeat. I sometimes go through that even now!! I will be relieved when I hold my baby in my arms.

What has been the best/”not-so-best” thing about your pregnancy? OMG- I didn’t know how amazing the human body was….we sure do miracles!! Best thing is to feel the baby move…it’s an awesome feeling. Not so best is a long list- burpy, farty, bloaty, acidity, fatigue, backache, swollen feet etc. etc. LOL

What excites you the most about becoming a new mom? Meeting the little being that my husband and I created together. I am excited about holding it, seeing it grow, say mom and dad.

Have you and/or your partner taken classes to prepare for birth? (i.e. Lamaze, birthing classes) Yes, we took Child birth basics and Breastfeeding. My husband thought it was the best thing we did, as he feels a lot more prepared now.

Do you have a birthing plan? (i.e. water birth, natural birth, home birth, drugs (lol) etc.) Not really. I am going to go with the flow.

What plans have you made in terms of returning to work/maternity leave? I am planning on taking 12 weeks off.

What is the best advice you have received so far about pregnancy and/or motherhood? One time I was worrying about how expensive it was going to be to have kids and a friend said, “kids don’t need a lot of things they need to be loved and cared” this stuck with me.

What advice can you give another Young Working Mommies-2-B? I am trying to figure out what’s the best way to balance work and personal life, especially when you have a little one dependent on you and no family support around. My family lives in India and my husband’s family is in Michigan. I can’t say follow your heart because financial reasons prevent a lot of us from staying home for the first year and take care of our kids. Since, I have become pregnant, I have begun to realize that US laws are not mother friendly. In comparison to the rest of the world where women get 6 months to a year of paid leave (55%) of their pay. I am starting to seek out senators who are pro-active in fighting for mother's rights and I would request other young working mothers to do the same.

So, Mommies-2-Be, are you familiar with FMLA? Have you researched your company's policy on maternity leave and/or short term disability? Know YOUR rights and plan ahead! 

Next Month's Mommie Spotlight---The BRAND NEW Mommie! :) 

NEW! Mommie Spotlight

When I first started this blog, nearly 3 years ago next month, I had no idea what I wanted to do. I just wanted to write and to establish a platform to show the world that yes you can be a young successful mother despite what norms society has placed on us. When I made my first entry, I was 8months pregnant, un-wed, living in my own apartment miles away from my boyfriend and daughter's dad. I had no idea what the future held, but I wanted to share my journey and to show the world how cool it is being a mom! LOL My blog has been my therapy and a way to share life's little moments with my close family and friends.

For a few month's I've been thinking of ways to really get other mom's involved with my blog and do something a little different. I think its so important to highlight all moms in the hopes other moms can be inspired. My experiences are different than those of the "Young Single Mom", or the "Young Mom with Twins", or the "Young Divorced Mom." We all have a story to tell. So knowing that, I've created something new, my "Mommie Spotlight" segment. Every month I will highlight a mom and allow her to tell her story and to share her experiences which are significantly different than mine. I have a few Mommies in mind I want to "spotlight" but if you are interested, please email me at dinai.emerald@gmail.com.

First entry coming later this month..."Young Workin' Mom-2-B". I'm excited! : ) 

Time For Baby No. 2....

Or not....lol

"Do you want more kids?" 

"When are you having another one?"

"You know you don't wanna have them too far apart, right?!"

Oh the pressure to have another child! As the months lead up to Dreux's 3rd birthday, these are the questions I have been getting. A mother of two?? It SOUNDS intimidating. What do I do with two kids? I barely make it to work on time with the one I have now! Before I became a mother, I always said I didn't want my children to be too far apart in age. Two-three years was the max for me. And definetely no more than three kids. My sister and I are about four and a half years apart and I've always felt there was such a huge gap between us. We didn't really start liking each other until I went away to college (LOL). Now, at 26 and her a few months shy of 22, we get along great! But the years leading up were a bit rough. I didn't want that for my kids. I always wished my sister and I were a bit closer in age. However, these last three years of Dreux's life have flown by and having another child wasn't even on the horizon! But with all the questions about me having another one, I've definelty been giving it some thought! If I stick to my original plan, I should be popping one out soon! 

When should we have another one? How do I plan for a second...we didn't necessarily plan for the first. :) Two kids means double everything! And double tuition just doesn't sound all that appealing to me! But I guess it would be nice for Dreux to have a sibling and stop claiming the ones at school. Her "sister" at school is actually about to become a big sister as her mom is expecting another one in a few months. But am I ready for that responsibility? Will my car even fit two car seats? How do you balance a toddler and an infant? My center of gravity just doesn't seem equipped for that. In all honestly though, when is a good time to start "trying" for another? Should we purchase our home first? Wait until Dreux is in kindergarten? Or do I wait until I'm more established in my career? It will probably never be the "right" time given all things to consider. I guess you just go for it and pray for the best? Right? I don't know, but I can tell you this Mommie needs to wait a little while longer. Play dates will just have to suffice until we can give Dreux a sibling lol Sorry guys, but baby number two is not on the way, just yet. 

"She Got Good Hair"

I’m just going to get straight to the point with this one….last week I was doing my daughters hair as apart of our morning routine. As I brushed her hair into a ponytail I said “Baby your hair is so curly”.  She debated back and forth with me and finally said “my hair isn’t curly Mommie. MJ’s* hair is curly, my hair is coarse”. (MJ, is a biracial boy in her class.) Coarse?! Who told you that Dreux! Caught completely off guard, one because my two year old just used coarse correctly in a sentence, and two, who in the hell told my child she had coarse hair? And for what reason? Anyone who knows my daughter, knows her hair is very curly and not “coarse” at all. However, that’s beside the point. Coarse, curly, or straight, why has hair texture become a topic of conversation in preschool? Needless to say, I was livid. I thought maybe I was overreacting but a quick conversation with my mother ensured me I wasn’t. I spoke to her teacher and the director, of which both denied ever making such a comment, and by the way, both are African American. I told them that such conversation is inappropriate for two-year-old discussion. It was more upsetting to me that Dreux literally debated with me as if this notion of “coarse hair” has been said to her on more than one occasion perhaps.

My point is this, at two, my child sees everyone the same. In her mind there are only two types of people, girls and boys. And personally at this age, I would like to keep it that way. There is no need for differences to be pointed out just yet. The fact that someone told her “No Dreux your hair is not curly, his is. Your hair is coarse” is nauseating. My child has already been introduced to the fact that there is something that slightly sets her apart. Her hair! I’m not raising her to see color, handicaps/disabilities, etc. In fact she swears her friend Brittany* is her sister. I wouldn’t dare sit her down and say “Well honey Brittany can’t be your sister because she’s white”. No, if you guys are sisters, then baby be sisters! Just like I wouldn’t dare say to any other toddler, “no baby your hair is coarse, her hair is curly”. Why does it matter? Its bad enough we are still defending “good hair” vs. “bad hair”. Why even introduce this to the next generation?

Growing up in an era where “light skin was in”, I’ve made it a point not to perpetuate such ignorance in my children.  I hate the phrase “she’s cute for a dark skin girl”. Or my favorite question I got a lot growing up, “what are you mixed with?” referring to the texture of my hair. My response was always, “my momma and my daddy” I digress…

We still haven’t gotten to the bottom of who made this comment. But I’m not letting it go that easy! If it was teacher who made the comment, then I need to have a little chat with her on communicating effectively with toddlers. Leave conversations as such to the parents when the child becomes of age. If a student made that comment, then I need to talk to their parents because they are raising a superficial child who points out the physical aspects that make each of us different. And personally, I think it’s inappropriate at this age.  Let them be two! They have a whole life ahead of trying to explain to the world who they are! 

Now, if the goal was simply to teach textures that day, then I apologize for my rash behavior (not really lol) but please, use inanimate objects next time and not the hairs on my child’s head.

Looks like I have along journey ahead…especially with ignorant adults in the world.

 *I didn't use real names. 

Potty Training Chronicles...Part III

This potty training thing has been a journey! 2 months shy of a year later and I'm proud to say Dreux is 98% potty trained!!! I say 98% because she still has a few overnight accidents; although she wakes up dry more often than not.

Lesson 4: Be patient and aware of your child's queues. 

How we did it! We tried a couple techniques, most of which didn't work! Lol we did the whole "cold turkey" thing and took her out of pull ups all together. Let's just say I got tired of cleaning pee from my floors, her bedroom carpet, and her Barbie Jeep. Every 15mins like clockwork we were sitting her on the toilet. Sometimes she went, sometimes she didn't. And other times she went on the floor! Some parents I spoke to said it worked for them and their kids were fully potty trained over the course of a weekend. Ha! Dreux wasn't having it! I think this method actually set up back. Forcing her into panties too soon when she just wasn't ready. Going Cold Turkey #fail

So we back tracked; put her back in pull ups full time and encouraged her to pee in the "big girl toilet" whenever SHE wanted; using treats and stickers as incentives. We even went as far as using potty time Elmo. Every time she went potty so did Elmo and she would get a new sticker on her Elmo potty chart next to the toilet! She got so excited every time she got a new sticker! Finally! This is working. 

Lesson 5: Do what's best for your child and take a step back if you have too.

As the weeks went on she got better and better. It wasn't until she started her new school it finally happened! It was suggested that we bring in undies for Dreux since she was doing so well with going  to the potty on her own. I was skeptical at first. But if that's what they suggest then so be it; it's their mess to clean now. LOL The first day I sent her to school in panties, I sent extra everything anticipating that this girl would flood the whole school. Extra pants, extra undies, and a ton of pull-ups- in the event they regretted their decision and resorted back them. Ironically enough she remained dry the entire day! I couldn't believe it! How could I not have faith in my child? So the next day we did it again, and the next. By the end of the week Dreux had managed to return home in the same clothes I sent her to school in!! Not one accident the entire week! I was so excited! That weekend I took her to the Disney store and let her pick out whatever toy she wanted! A few months in and Dreux is still doing very well! (Well minus the little mishap in the frozen yogurt shop a few weekends ago....I'll post about later lol)

Using Rewards/Incentives #win LOL Call it what you want but the reward system worked for us! A few stickers here....a chocolate chip cookie there and a lot of patience!! After we bought her undies we told her she could only wear them if she promised to stay dry! Another incentive. Every day she would say "Mommie I want to wear my panties" and every day I reminded her that in order to wear them, she had to use the potty and tell Mommie when she had to go! She started catching on and now she won't go day without them! Next step...college! Lol jk

Goodbye Accounting! Hello Marketing & Communications!

"How can I tell my daughter to follow her dreams if I never follow mine". This is something I have been telling myself for the last 2 years. Struggling to reach a point in my career where I was genuinely happy. Those that know me, know how much of a struggle it has been to juggle motherhood with a career I pretty much hated! How can I motivate myself to get up and leave my child everyday to go to a job that is not fullfilling. What justification do I have? Oh that's right! A two year old who needs food, shelter, and clothing; so leaving my job didn't seem like the best option (even though I considered it many, MANY times) Afterall I did spend 5 years of college and 2 years of summer internships in this field. Not to mention this hefty student loan I'm paying back for these two degrees. So I stuck it out! I prayed! I networked and researched. Awaiting for the day I would finally find that "right fit". The questions I asked myself were: 

1) What do I want to do? What would make me excited to come to work?

2) What are my passions? What are my gifts?

3) Will my family be ok if I were to take a pay cut by switching careers? How long (months) could we sustain if I left my job? 

4) Where do I even begin? Will I need to go back to school? 

Changing careers can be tough and require a lot of patience, time, research, and support. It definetely is not something you want to go into lightly, especially with a family. Every decision you make, affects them as well. The most debilitating thing you can do, however, is to stay in a miserable and stressful situation. Yes Mommies we need money but at the end of the day your demeanor will affect your families. I was coming home stressed and exhausted. My job had taken so much energy during the day, I had very little left to pour into my husband and daughter when I got home; and that wasn't fair to them or myself. 

Enough was enough! I was all cried out and the complaining was getting old! So I put myself out there! I did the uncomfortable! I expressed my goals to those I knew could help me reach them. I networked and took on projects outside the scope of my regular duties at work. Months later and it finally paid off.  Today marks the first day of my new career as the Digital Communications Specialist. I was fortunate to stay at my current employer and move into a developing department. It was not an easy road and trust me it doesn't happen over night, but I'm blessed for the journey that got me here! A weight has been lifted from my shoulders as I finally feel as though I am walking into my destiny. I'm sure my family and friends are excited to see a more happier me

Lead by example Mommies. Follow your dreams and show those babies that "if Mommie can do it, you can do it". 

Breaking All The Rules...Sometimes :)

Where do I even begin? Life! Boy does it hit hard! 25 years old and I feel 65 some days. Tired out of my mind! Is this life?? My daughter is so full of energy and the minute I step foot in the door from work, Mommie is on! Dancing, singing, making dinner, dishes (repeat). We haven't accounted for the thousands of emails I need to reply too; the events I have on my plate to coordinate; getting my Instagram fix; and the husband who gets the leftovers of, whatever of "me", remain lol! Monday through Friday it's the same thing. So with the weather finally showing us some mercy, it's only right we switched it up a bit! A couple of weeks ago we took Dreux to get frozen yogurt for the first time at Red Mango! It was so simple and so inexpensive but Dreux was experiencing this for the first time! Mouth completely covered in strawberry and white chocolate swirl yogurt she looks up and me with the biggest grin and says "this is really good Mommie". I melted! Lol I took for granted that this world is new to her. *cues Aladdin's A Whole New World song*  Lol! All the things I've seen, she is seeing for the very first time. I get it now. When you are a mom you pretty much live life all over again! It's so important for us busy moms to set the smart phone aside and interrupt our daily routines a bit! Life can be pretty mundane if we don't! So what she isn't in bed by 8:30 a few nights. And for dinner she had a turkey sandwich and frozen yogurt! So freaking what! Lol creating those lasting memories while they are little means so much more! As parent it's up to us to ensure these little extensions of ourselves enjoy their childhood! Adulthood can be a lot less fun. 

(unless wine is involved of course HAHA)